I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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