problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
