that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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