I faked an abortion last night.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's shark week go big or go home
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
