There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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