she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
