I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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