Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
