Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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