Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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