her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
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I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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