oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Randomize
