OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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