So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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