mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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