All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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