Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
