Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
