I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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