We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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