Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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