Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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