if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
