It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
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I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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