Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she woke up with a sticky ear
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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