He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
