...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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