I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
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I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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