He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
