I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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