bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
