Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
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WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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