All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she smelled like a LAN party
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
