My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
