In the future we'll all be gay
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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