we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
