I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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