Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
