I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
