based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
