I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
