3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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