she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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