Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
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I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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