Too much gin, very little bucket
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
