Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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