Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
