I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
