Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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