I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
