my vag is so smooth its legendary
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
