his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
