Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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