I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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