I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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