Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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