At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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