I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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