Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
