guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
