Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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